Alright, that's fine then. It's up to you. If you don't want to, I don't mind that either.
[Actually, it's kind of nice to think that Reynir would rather just stick with him. It's less complicated, less likely to involve anyone else and their emotions and dreams and memories. He'd rather just stick to Reynir's.]
Well, like I said before, I'd rather you didn't pretend to be fun when you're not feeling like it. In fact, I think I'd rather talk to you about serious things, and I think you need to stand up for yourself more than you do. I know it's not the same because I'm only one person, but there it is.
[He can feel it, then, that sense of loss and grief that's coming through the Bond, only this time it's coming from Reynir rather than him. It's still hard for him, sometimes, to acknowledge that someone like Reynir can feel that level of misery, strong enough that he can sense the ghost of it through the Bond despite the fact they're not even in the same room or the same house. Beyond that, he doesn't really understand why Reynir is miserable with heartache. Is it because he feels like he doesn't have enough real friends?
There's the possibility that Reynir is upset that Onni said he was a little broken - he'd mentioned that, after all, asked him not to say it and Reynir seems to have particularly strong feelings about how Onni treats himself. That is still strange to think about, let alone feel a little through the Bond. It's such a strong feeling, it feels strange and a little self-absorbed to assume that it's somehow about him.]
I don't mean anything bad, by saying I think something might be broken in me. It's a normal thing that I think a lot of people want, and I don't want it as much as most people. I don't know why.
And that's not the only thing stopping me. I just haven't met anyone I'm interested in that way, and I don't know that I'd be able to do any of the things you need to do to be like that with someone. I'm sure you've noticed I'm not exactly talkative and emotional and all that.
[He's not like the people he's seen have long happy relationships - his parents who smiled and laughed together and talked about childcare and shared jokes together and kissed when they thought he and Tuuri weren't looking. It's hard to imagine someone like him doing anything like that...being broken makes more sense.]
[ Reynir reads it again, Onni's reassurance that he wants to see even the parts of Reynir that are ugly and inconvenient, and that he ought to stand up for himself more. Reynir feels a curious, mingled surge of undeserved joy, and sadness. ]
you're the first one who's said anything like that to me. or at least, the first one who has actually meant it. that's one of the reasons you're so special to me. okay?
[ That's just another reason why he can't let Onni know that his feelings are anything more than just platonic. Onni's friendship is too precious to him to risk it. Not when he has the chance to get really, actually close to someone - someone who isn't Bjarni, anyway.
But the logic of it doesn't make the ache in his ribs any less. ]
maybe it's just a culture thing, but i don't really think it's as simple as that. i mean a lot of guys are really into girls and i'm not, but that's normal. a lot of people really want to have loads of kids and some people don't and that's normal, too. there were plenty of older people in my village who never got married and they didn't seem unhappy about it at all. lots of people here might be obsessed with romance, but that isn't universal.
[ He hesitates, half-convinced he should stop now, for fear of giving himself away. But of course, that's silly. Onni won't suspect a thing. Not when it's clear he had never even considered Reynir as a possible partner in that way. ]
i think you're undervaluing yourself, onni. you talk plenty, and there's nothing wrong with how you express your emotions, even if it's a little different from how other people do. you have so much to offer, that you don't even see about yourself.
maybe it's because you haven't dated, so you don't know that there's a lot worse options out there than someone who doesn't have a lot of experience, and is a little quiet, and has some emotional boundaries. you're a good man, onni. you're responsible, and fair, and caring, and patient, and intelligent, and complicated, and kind. if you ever did get interested in anyone like that... they'd be lucky to have you.
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[Actually, it's kind of nice to think that Reynir would rather just stick with him. It's less complicated, less likely to involve anyone else and their emotions and dreams and memories. He'd rather just stick to Reynir's.]
Well, like I said before, I'd rather you didn't pretend to be fun when you're not feeling like it. In fact, I think I'd rather talk to you about serious things, and I think you need to stand up for yourself more than you do. I know it's not the same because I'm only one person, but there it is.
[He can feel it, then, that sense of loss and grief that's coming through the Bond, only this time it's coming from Reynir rather than him. It's still hard for him, sometimes, to acknowledge that someone like Reynir can feel that level of misery, strong enough that he can sense the ghost of it through the Bond despite the fact they're not even in the same room or the same house. Beyond that, he doesn't really understand why Reynir is miserable with heartache. Is it because he feels like he doesn't have enough real friends?
There's the possibility that Reynir is upset that Onni said he was a little broken - he'd mentioned that, after all, asked him not to say it and Reynir seems to have particularly strong feelings about how Onni treats himself. That is still strange to think about, let alone feel a little through the Bond. It's such a strong feeling, it feels strange and a little self-absorbed to assume that it's somehow about him.]
I don't mean anything bad, by saying I think something might be broken in me. It's a normal thing that I think a lot of people want, and I don't want it as much as most people. I don't know why.
And that's not the only thing stopping me. I just haven't met anyone I'm interested in that way, and I don't know that I'd be able to do any of the things you need to do to be like that with someone. I'm sure you've noticed I'm not exactly talkative and emotional and all that.
[He's not like the people he's seen have long happy relationships - his parents who smiled and laughed together and talked about childcare and shared jokes together and kissed when they thought he and Tuuri weren't looking. It's hard to imagine someone like him doing anything like that...being broken makes more sense.]
no subject
you're the first one who's said anything like that to me. or at least, the first one who has actually meant it.
that's one of the reasons you're so special to me. okay?
[ That's just another reason why he can't let Onni know that his feelings are anything more than just platonic. Onni's friendship is too precious to him to risk it. Not when he has the chance to get really, actually close to someone - someone who isn't Bjarni, anyway.
But the logic of it doesn't make the ache in his ribs any less. ]
maybe it's just a culture thing, but i don't really think it's as simple as that.
i mean a lot of guys are really into girls and i'm not, but that's normal.
a lot of people really want to have loads of kids and some people don't and that's normal, too.
there were plenty of older people in my village who never got married and they didn't seem unhappy about it at all.
lots of people here might be obsessed with romance, but that isn't universal.
[ He hesitates, half-convinced he should stop now, for fear of giving himself away. But of course, that's silly. Onni won't suspect a thing. Not when it's clear he had never even considered Reynir as a possible partner in that way. ]
i think you're undervaluing yourself, onni.
you talk plenty, and there's nothing wrong with how you express your emotions, even if it's a little different from how other people do.
you have so much to offer, that you don't even see about yourself.
maybe it's because you haven't dated, so you don't know that there's a lot worse options out there than someone who doesn't have a lot of experience, and is a little quiet, and has some emotional boundaries.
you're a good man, onni. you're responsible, and fair, and caring, and patient, and intelligent, and complicated, and kind.
if you ever did get interested in anyone like that... they'd be lucky to have you.